Journalling Guest Blog – Ben

“I’ve recently been diagnosed with C-PTSD. While this is validating and helps me move forward, I want to share how important journaling has been for me prior to and since the diagnosis.

I’d always struggled with my mental health, but once I turned 30 I decided to take a more active role in trying to understand and improve it. A big step was starting therapy, without this I wouldn’t even know what C-PTSD is. However, journaling has been equally valuable, which is why I want to share this post.

When I say journaling, essentially I mean writing in a diary. The act of physically writing helps me acknowledge and process my thoughts, in a safe and calm way. It has been a constant and always accessible lifeline over the past few years.

For me, it is writing with intention. Depending on the intention, I will use a separate book to write in. I have a big hardback ringbinder that I’ve been adding to for years, even before I started going to therapy. This book is for thoughts and feelings that need to come out. It is completely honest and won’t always be pretty. It’s led by emotion and I see it as a more traditional diary. Although I don’t write in it everyday, I do tend to use it when I’ve had a big life change or an intense day.

Reading back through this book helps me see how far I’ve come and reaffirms the bad days will pass.

I also have a gratitude journal. I write down three things I’m grateful for or that went well that day. This is harder than it sounds, especially on bad days. Sometimes I’m grateful I have a bed to sleep in, or that I washed my hair that day. I try not to be too hard on myself if I miss a day or two, or even a month. Life can take over sometimes, but I know the book is always there for me to continue when I’m ready.

I don’t want to overwhelm anyone by saying you need separate books, this is just how it worked for me. Writing on a scrap piece of paper is exactly the same and won’t lessen the value of journaling.

Getting Started

To get started, I want to give a few tips. These may sound simple but at the beginning, the process can be overwhelming. These are a few things I’ve learned from experience.

● Find a journal that makes you feel good. Maybe it has a calming image on the cover, or blank for you to personalise with drawings or stickers. Your journal should be a safe space just for you.

● Choose a way of writing that works for you. I like writing with pen and paper as it feels more personal, but if you want to type on a computer or your phone, of course this is ok too.

● Put absolutely zero pressure on yourself when writing. There is no set outcome when I sit down to write. I don’t expect to have a full page or an eye opening revelation about myself every time. Mostly I go to write a sentence and the thoughts keep coming. You’ll be surprised how much you have to say when you allow yourself to speak honestly.

● Have a dedicated space to write. For me this is in bed. It’s not the most comfortable writing position, but I feel safe and able to be open with my feelings. Don’t be too strict on this though. Sometimes I take my journal out and about with me and write in a coffee shop, or even at work when I have free time. Finding a space where you feel comfortable to write is important.

● Give yourself enough time to write. Equally important as having the right space, is having enough time. Journaling is one of those things that can’t be rushed. Trying to squeeze in some writing between other tasks may not give you the best outcome. If I have something I want to write but am busy, I will write a reminder note for later and continue the thought when I have time. I’m consistently surprised how my brain can recall the thought, as long as I have the reminder note.

● Don’t judge yourself. Not everything you write will be positive. Sometimes it will be the opposite, you may even be ashamed of the things you have written. This is where the journal being your safe space is important. No one else gets to read it unless you show them. You are allowed to get all these thoughts out. Sometimes seeing them on the page puts them into perspective, other times it can feel better to have them out of your head. If you write a page then decide to tear it up and throw it away that’s ok too, it can even be a very healing thing to do sometimes. I have pages in my emotional diary that make me upset to read them now. But I also feel proud because they show me how far I have come.

The actual words I write aren’t always as important as the act of doing the task. For instance the gratitude journal, not every day will have amazing, positive things to be grateful for, but the act of sitting and slowing down to write, gives my brain a chance to relax. It gives me something to focus on and builds a routine.

These kinds of things have been invaluable in my healing journey. Knowing that making the effort is part of the healing process, gives me the freedom to let go of the pursuit of perfection and to enjoy the moment. I have more moments of what I’d call joy now. Times where a wave of contentment hits me. I appreciate the here and now and accept myself for who I am at that moment. Don’t get me wrong, these times aren’t super common, but I notice them now and see that as a sign of healing.”

Find out more about how writing and journalling can help people with PTSD and C-PTSD here. And to find out more about our Ink and Insight Project, you can read more here.