Case Study: EMDR Treatment – Jenna

“At the age of 21, I had a very traumatic and prolonged ‘incomplete’ miscarriage – and I was all alone – my husband was in Canada on tour with the Army, and the care I got for the miscarriage was inconsistent and traumatic in itself.

For many years after that I was being treated for severe anxiety and depression which at times I got extremely poorly. I was put on medication, which helped with the depression and anxiety, but I still had these extreme feelings. The things that caused them seemed so silly so I didn’t want to tell anyone just in case they thought I was going mad!! These feelings were so terrifying – there are no words to describe them. Some days I was able to brush it off straight away but other days it would be more intense. I woke up every single day wondering if I could get through the day without having an “episode”. Over 20 years these episodes got more and more frequent and intense. I still couldn’t find the right words to describe them to a doctor – I felt so silly at the situations that was causing them so it was simply put down to anxiety and depression, although I knew that it was something else as I was getting these episodes even when I was in a good place and feeling happy. I thought it was something that I would have to learn to live with for the rest of my life which wasn’t a pleasant feeling. 

After 20 years and at the time when my son started secondary school these episodes took a turn for the worse. It literally happened over night. This dreaded intense terrifying feeling came and didn’t go away. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Over the course of a year, I tried several different antidepressants, going up to the highest doses but nothing was making me feel better. Every single day was absolute torture. I had gone from nearly 9 stone down to 5 stone in a matter of weeks. I thought of suicide every day. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of leaving my son behind who I loved dearly and my husband who was obviously doing all that he could to get me through each day. There was an inner willpower to stay alive for them.

After a year I finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist. She delved deep into this intense feeling I was having and for the first time in 20 years I was able to tell her without feeling stupid. I described that since being made to sit in a day room to watch Eastenders with the other patients whilst in the psychiatric ward 20 years ago I became absolutely petrified to hearing the theme tune let alone watch it. It would fill me with dread. Other things that would trigger it was if I heard or saw anything about mental health/suicide, anything to do with hospitals, whether it was on tv, radio, reading or simply people just taking about it. Because I suffered with it for so long on a daily basis, I was told that different scenarios had become secondary fears.

The psychiatrist said it was a classic case of PTSD. I honestly thought that it was only soldiers who suffered with such a thing and she explained to me how anyone who have had some kind of trauma in their lives can have it. This was all a “light switch” moment. After 20 years I was finally given the correct diagnosis!

I was prescribed a high dose of venlafaxine and recommended EMDR (something which I’d never heard of before). Unfortunately, there was a waiting list for over a year so we decided to pay privately. I really didn’t have any faith in EMDR as I couldn’t understand how such a simple technique could take away the horrors of PTSD. I had a session every week for around 10 weeks. Each session I stayed very sceptical but also clung on to the hope that this would make me feel better. My sessions involved following a pen from left to right. It all seemed so simple and too good to be true.

By the end of the treatments I slowly started to feel better. I remember the very first time that I noticed something had changed was when I took my son to the cinema. Halfway through the film it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t have any terrifying feelings. It felt absolutely amazing. As time went on I slowly started to realised that I could face all of the situations, which caused such anguish, without giving them a second thought. 

I would absolutely encourage anybody who suffers with PTSD to give EMDR a try. I honestly believe that it changed my life for the better. Of course I still get the odd occasion when I feel depressed or anxious and once in a blue moon I will have a ‘PTSD’ moment but I am thankful it doesn’t happen on a daily basis anymore and I don’t wake up every morning dreading what kind of “episode” I will have.”

You can find out more about EMDR treatment here.